I often question whether I’m a narcissist or not. Or even a sociopath…maybe even a full-on psychopath?
The thing is, though we’re all a little self-centered, unbalanced, and unfeeling at times, or at some point in life, or exhibit one or multiple traits of any of the above “disorders,” we don’t often do so consistently. Another common thread amongst true (using that loosely) narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths is that they lack empathy for others and see absolutely nothing wrong with their more…concerning words or actions. They therefore don’t tend to question the morality of their words or deeds, because they perceive everything they do as right.
If I were narcissistic, sociopathic, or a psychopath, would I even bother to question any part of myself that could be potentially not “right,” if I see and feel all I do is right? I believe the answer to my question is likely a resounding, “NO.” I’ve also conducted extensive Google searches that have effectively served to scare the entire shit out of me – just thinking that I could potentially be mean, unfeeling, or harmful in ways that could wreck people’s lives or land me in jail is absolutely terrifying and makes me feel close to physically ill.
But I also suppose the question (and its resulting answer) helps remind me of the possibility to be or become any of these – and the reason why I try as hard as I can to avoid ever hurting or offending others intentionally. And also why I question my own morality and sanity – it’s almost like my own self-check(-in) system built right into my subconscious that does periodical reality checks to help me stay grounded.
Also, the world is already kind of a really fucked up place. I want my thoughts and actions to help eradicate all of the negativity and craziness, not contribute to it! Just saying…