Kayfucius

Highly intense,
and so much more awkward;
lapses in social skills and judgments
results of consistent self-isolation
from being ostracized
in public space…

Because, never give them the opportunity to do it for you…

Time spent in my own mental
space
stripping me of the ability
to properly converse
with other persons of being…

writing all my conversations
with myself
into continuum –

Those who’d talk to me
soon quickly found
I’m conversationally tone-deaf,
either too intensely enthused
over things that didn’t matter to them,
or awkwardly-anxiously bumbling along,
self-conscious odd silences
interspersed with diluted outbursts –
just trying to keep up
with ebbs, flows, and full stops.

Afterward, obsessively replaying,
unending cinematic
repetition –
Visions that torture the consciousness
and made me wonder what else
I could’ve said, at the time…

Never once,
did I ever [stop to] consider
my partner(s) in these discussions
might have been experiencing
the same doubts, notions,
and internal confusions
as I.

And even today,
I sometimes still struggle
to articulate,
even with all my words
and colorful profusion of expression
I still feel always
that I’m missing
some critical element.

 

 

 

04 September 2019