Kayfucius

From one minefield to the next,

I’ve somehow managed to avoid the triggers –

the bombs still blow

but the explosions happen in my mind,

unending afterimages of destruction

and I use my reality

as the gurney that hauls away the limbs

ripped from the body of work

created by harboring all the pain and delirium

of not being able to express myself;

Unable to scream my true nature

from the tops of destiny’s peaks.

I no longer question

why it has to be this way, when

I know the truth is actually

that I’ve been hiding myself from the world

and suffering in silence

because trust is a luxury I can no longer afford;

Not when

the last one I trusted

used it to cut me

into all the tiny pieces

I’m still trying to find…

I’m not safe here;

but it’s better than

being half-dead

from lack of awareness

of who I truly am.

At least this way,

I’m safe in my own head and heart –

the boundaries of solace

are limitless

until they’re pushed.

⁰¹²⁰²²