Posted in life, Self-discovery and growth, Thoughts and Ruminations

Vulnerable

I think I like most of the things about myself

that I say out loud I don’t –

I self-deprecate to deflect the attention

that part of me actually secretly desires but that I also

hope happens organically;

I haven’t figured out how to do that

so instead I just push it all away.

And I wish I could just…tell people this,

but so discouraged are we

from saying what we truly feel,

disconnected from ourselves

lost in the “perfection” we portray.

I think that not many hold space for vulnerability

because we also have trouble being vulnerable

with ourselves.

10621
Posted in life, Poetry, Random, Thoughts and Ruminations

Questions.

Is it greedy of me
to keep inhaling
until I burn my fingers?
Am I overindulgent
if I break my fast
to share meals with my family?
Should I care too much
if the numbers on
the scale keep creeping and climbing
up and up?
What spirited vines;
Does it matter if there’s a little jiggle now
in my thighs and around my waistline?
Does it make me too selfish
if I
ignore calls and texts
for my own peace of mind –
and is it stealing if I take
a few extra minutes
for solitude, to realign?
Have I done this so very wrong
everything came out right?

And why is it I always question life
when I’m just ย remembering to live it
while I’m drifting
at night?

Posted in life, Poetry, Self-discovery and growth, Thoughts and Ruminations

Unlimitations

I realize I too often limit myself only

to my words and actions

and capabilities;

And that expanding my mind

is the way to break free.

But sometimes, I’m good where I’m at…

and isn’t that as much a part of being

who I am

as at any other distinct point in time?

I often think that

being still

or even refusing to move

has saved my life on many

an occasion.

 

09 December 2020
Posted in life, Poetry, Thoughts and Ruminations

Easy Ways

Need to meditate

putting it off because I’m afraid

of what I’ll unearth.

All the shadows and hidden emotions

I’ve locked away from myself

to keep functioning,

to cope.

But coping is no way of life

and I need to face myself

and my fears;

take accountability for my life.

But isn’t it easier

to pretend nothing’s wrong

than it is to

acknowledge that

everything’s wrong?

I’ve gotta stop getting so good at

taking the easy way out.

 

241020

Posted in life, Poetry, Thoughts and Ruminations

Higher Ups

A sage soul once said

When you hit rock bottom,
there’s  nowhere left to go but up
and up.

I always envisioned this as
diving feet first into the ocean;
Maybe the deep end of
a pool –

never fully do I reach the bottom;
Even as gravity tugs
and despite its insistence
I’m already buoying back to the surface…

A question:

Did I ever actually touch the bottom, even a little?

Down’s always a possibility
on this elevator ride
but Up’s often the stronger motivation
when traveling –

Higher I get
higher I go
fiery air balloon of will
Floating, never stopping…

Until ground level
and bottom
are distant clouds
of memory.

10 August  2020
Posted in life, Poetry, Thoughts and Ruminations

Nothing’s Wrong

Today’s lunch:

coffee with a

tequila chaser

and a side of

meditative reflection…

Doing my best to cope;

But honestly, I hate

this state

of being –

Coping is no way of life,

I should be living as I breathe –

freely, and without thinking about it.

There are many who no longer own this luxury.

Being even more honest,

I never gave myself

the time and grace to mourn

my grandmother’s passing.

[Has it really only been a month and a half?]

And now we have a nation

shrouded in grief,

who’s also tired

and also hurting…

My sorrow no longer belongs to me;

Not when

Modern day lynching permeates our airwaves,

diminishes our vibrations –

looped almost daily, discussed hourly

for sensationalized effect.

Why can’t there ever be

just one day

where everything is peaceful,

and nothing’s wrong

like we already pretend

it isn’t?