Tag: self-understanding

Posted in life, Poetry, Self-discovery and growth

Transmute

Posted on by kayfucius

Sometimes,
I just sit
and allow myself to feel deeply
the emotional agitation
and pain and sorrow
that I absorb
from others
as I progress through my days
and allow to blend
with my own…
And I
hurt for every soul
who knows and endures
such agony…
Then I release it screaming
to the edges of the universe
tearing rifts into the cosmos
I imagine it
leaving trails of healing warmth
in its blustery wakes
as it leaves.
I take on every soul-shredding
wave,
letting it all crash over me
endlessly, violently, tirelessly
until it subsides
and there is no more –
of it to take, of me to give.
All is calm.
For the briefest of moments
I am vulnerable, exposed;
Human.
In the leftover shallows
between infinity  and continuum,
I am no longer weak;
I elevate a little more,
I transmute.

Posted in life, New Work, Poetry, Self-discovery and growth

Know Me

Posted on by kayfucius

Dinner tonight was

Ben & Jerry’s

and

a shot of rum;

Not melancholy or troubled,

not even stressed.

Just…reminding myself

that sometimes it’s okay

to eat and drink things that are bad for me

for the good of my own pleasure.

Now and again, indulgence is necessary.

And besides,

why in the hell would I ever

model my entire life after

beings of

flesh and blood and flaws

who don’t even know me

like I do?

Posted in life, Poetry, Random, Self-discovery and growth

Watch Me Rise

Posted on by kayfucius

I never get to write when I want,
someone always has a need –
And I bleached my favorite layering shirt
It only sorta kinda hurt.

I may need a cup of tea.
Or maybe a little time for me;
Could be that I’m internalizing anxiety and worry –
still meditating,
but lately, in a hurry.

My hair’s getting long now
and it’s in need of a trim
My scalp is sore
send moisture please – hydration?
Prognosis is grim.

I gained 5 pounds,
for the most part, I like where it went…
but this pudge on my waist ain’t taking the same hints.

I wanna walk,
go clear my mind
spend time with the moon
but there’s just too much going on in the world
this time.
Soon come, and coming soon…

I wanna blow trees
like a mischievous breeze
follow my thought streamers
through subconscious skies –
ride the clouds…

Watch me rise.

As long as I always
know my soul
I’ll simply find other ways
to hold myself in control.

My mind, my spirit
gently roam
but I never get
too far from home.

Posted in life, Poetry, Self-discovery and growth

Intrepid Dreams

Posted on by kayfucius

Dreams are both

perplexity and marvel,

I’m still learning to understand

how

such wispy fragments of subconsciousness,

subtle forces of will

so intrepidly insert themselves

into

a memory or thought

as though it actually happened,

or…could.

And how

the mind so ably creates

such vast space to transcend,

to exist within,

to unify with imagination.

I always wondered

at the capacity

of the psyche

to delineate the blurred edges between

perception and actuality,

heightening consciousness

beyond the pinnacles

of enlightened liberation.

Posted in Forgotten writings, Poetry, Self-discovery and growth

Tone-Deaf in Continuum

Posted on by kayfucius

Highly intense,
and so much more awkward;
lapses in social skills and judgments
results of consistent self-isolation
from being ostracized
in public space…

Because, never give them the opportunity to do it for you…

Time spent in my own mental
space
stripping me of the ability
to properly converse
with other persons of being…

writing all my conversations
with myself
into continuum –

Those who’d talk to me
soon quickly found
I’m conversationally tone-deaf,
either too intensely enthused
over things that didn’t matter to them,
or awkwardly-anxiously bumbling along,
self-conscious odd silences
interspersed with diluted outbursts –
just trying to keep up
with ebbs, flows, and full stops.

Afterward, obsessively replaying,
unending cinematic
repetition –
Visions that torture the consciousness
and made me wonder what else
I could’ve said, at the time…

Never once,
did I ever [stop to] consider
my partner(s) in these discussions
might have been experiencing
the same doubts, notions,
and internal confusions
as I.

And even today,
I sometimes still struggle
to articulate,
even with all my words
and colorful profusion of expression
I still feel always
that I’m missing
some critical element.

 

 

 

04 September 2019
Posted in New Work, Poetry, Self-discovery and growth, Thoughts and Ruminations

Used-Tos (Next Episode)

Posted on by kayfucius

I have some trouble

telling people all my “used-tos,”

It leads down this rabbit hole

of more things

I used to do, think, be, say, see.

And it seems like

I have issues,

but honestly, they’re more like

Editions…

every one more distinct than its predecessor,

and each

a different minefield

to navigate.

I used to fear judgment,

But now,

I wait patiently

for the next episode;

Life is an unending season.

Posted in New Work, Poetry, Self-discovery and growth

Rough Draft

Posted on by kayfucius

I love all the
squiggles, scratches,
scrawls, scribbles
carets and paragraph marks
unexpected brackets, write-overs, and random
annotations
that swirl boldly through
most of my handwritten work.

They all highlight mistakes,
yet also remind
how quickly the mind
moves
to make sense of
all its random, unordered chaos
and then
create art
from it.

Inspiration tames madness;

I keep all my rough drafts.

 

15 October 2019